-glass-half-empty-

haloo people
anyway, i realised that i haven’t done a proper post
in quite a while. and by proper i mean the
dear-diary-today-i-did-this-and-yesterday-i-did-that kind of post. that
being said, let’s go!

have a good one guys!

My entire life, all the relationships i’ve been with involves a Long Distance Relationship which they disapointed me over and over again, well let’s just say that the other party can’t keep their penis where it belong. But through time i moved on, and i met this amazing guy whom i’m very fond of if not madly in love with.

Things were doing really well and i love him more each day, until the realization that i have to move back to my own home country. After all the experience i had with having a long distance, i just don’t want to do it again, but i didn’t want to end it aswell. Finally i found a way to stay here just a bit longer.

Time just flew and went by so fast. I love that man even more now, more than i thought i could love another person. Now we’re back to the same situation again where we have to deal with me going back to my home country. and this time there’s no way so i can stay longer. The thought of being separated from him, and not able to see and hold him, breaks my heart into a million pieces.

Again i had to choose whether or not i have to take that journey. But as i am a sucker for things that may or may not work, i’m ready and will go through it again, for the last time, maybe. It’s has to do with trust. I love him with all my heart, but all those past relationship makes it almost impossible to fully trust a person, especially male species. I’m not saying that i don’t trust him, i do, but there will always be a voice somewhere inside my head telling me that he’ll do what the others did to me. But even that i hate it, i will try.

so it’s almost 6 in the morning and i’m still wide awake  X____x  i
really shouldn’t have tried sleeping early.. it was a BIG mistake coz
it ended up only for half an hour and then i woke up with a slight
headache arrrghhhh!!! but the good thing is i finished doing two weeks
worth of uni works~

it has been over nine months since dave and i got together and i still love him more and more each day forever and always..

きみをあいしてる、デイブ。。。！

I NEED SLEEP!

yay yay yay it has been 8 months now since me and dave started dating XD

ps: new updates http://maika-saleh.livejournal.com/

do you ever feel like you’re sabotaging your own life for some other reason, be it your health, your creativity, your acticity, your education, your future? you do it in order to get something else. out of fear maybe? but the thing is, it’s not always the concious mind that feel the needs to change something, but your subconcious can play with you without you even realising it. am i going somewhere here? do you know what i’m talking about or am i just blabbering?

i guess what i’m trying to say is, i think i realise that i sabotage my own life.

i know that i have to go back home to my home country as soon as i gratuate
, there is no other option. although i love jakarta and i do want to go back to my own environment so bad, but at the same i wasn’t ready to let go the city of Melbourne that i’ve grown to love for these past 3 years. another reason why i don’t really want to leave melbourne just yet is my boyfriend. i’m just not ready to be apart from him. i feel the need to stay here a bit longer, so i decided to go home a month after graduation. but i guess that wasn’t enough.

through out the final semester projects time periode, something else on the back of my mind is lurking, finding some way to let me stay here.

there’s one subject that i didn’t really into and alays do it half-heartedly. and so i got a fail on that subject and cannot graduate. and i have to take another semester.

it is a bit extreme to think that i’m risking my own proof of 3 years hard work so that i could stay here a bit longer. personally, i think i have a sick mind. but what really got me was that i didn’t even realised it that i purposely faild that subject. i thought i was just sucked at it. but lately it got me thinking, was it really just my bad luck, or was it really me without being really aware of what i’m doing.

if so, to what extend am i willing to sabotage something else to get what i want? without even realising it myself.

woot woot! first post in 2007 XD

anyway.. as usual, new updates are in  maika-saleh.livejournal.com
so make sure you guys check it out

i knew i shouldnt’ve start.
i knew it’s wrong from the place.
but i just can’t help it.
it’s taking ahold of me.
and it’s so hard for me to resist.
i plunged myself too deep to just walk away from it.
i’ve gone too far.
and i can’t stop it.
i can’t control it.

curse you One Tree Hill season 1 and 2!!!!!!

lol.. thought i would make it sounds a bit more dramatic

yes i’m in a One Tree Hill marathon and i still haven’t quite finish the first season yet.. but i will.. i dont think i’m capable of finishing it all off tonight tho (person needs to sleep) you know, this show is turning me a bit mellow-y.. and it’s suppose to be my "no boyfriend for the weekend and i wont miss him that much coz i have something to fill my time" plan. and it’s clearly not working because now i miss him even more *shakes fist*

i miss him quite a lot these couple of weeks.. i dunno.. maybe it’s because i haven’t really seen him that much, at least not as much as we used to.. i understand he’s been busy and all..

so anyhoo.. as what i always do when it gets a bit mellow, i pick up the guitar and just play something.. lol yeah i’ve been messing around with the guitar lately.. good thing for me, but i guess not so much for my house mates ;P coz eventhough it may not sound too good, i still playing it loud (i hope they’ll forgive me one day) hehehe ^^ but really.. eventho i’m just so average at it, below even, i still enjoy playing it.. it helps a bit when it gets a little clouded..

and also.. kudos to the Melbourne Victory for yet another glorious triumph. and to
our boys who are still back in adelaide to cheer and to soar the teams spirits.. you guys did awesome!!! i’m proud of you guys.. and now, come back home to us safely..
these are for you boys:

we’re so good it’s unbelievable!

we are the melbourne
the melbourne victory
and we are mental, and we are mad
we are the loyalist football supporters
the world has ever had

we’ll travel land and sea
to see the victory
we’l make some noise
for the melbourne boys

sorry i put some of our chants here.. i’m just so happy they won against adelaide. it’s a good pay-back since our defeat the last time. we kick their butt! hell yeah!!! and now im excited about next week’s game which is against sydney. there’s no way i’m goin to miss this one! coz i know this is going to be BIG!!!

so until next time
later kids!

spent most of the day with kazu on saturday as an act of appologising for not coming with him to check some apartments that morning.. and by morning i mean 11am. afer went for coffee and some bitchy sessions, we went for some lovely time of window shopping *weeeeee =^^=* where he fell in love with an armani sunnies but it was sold out in myer and david jones. after no luck of finding it anywhere, we would’ve head down to the armani place on collins if not for our clothes looking not that representable for that kind of place… went back home coz my legs are killing me..

dave came sometime after. hungry. went to nando’s. eat. we saw george lucas!! well, not really.. it’s just his double.. maybe they are twins but sepparated at birth? who knows.. decided not to watch anything at the cinema coz there were nothing good to watch. i had cravings for gelati, so we went to trampoline *yummm* and enjoyed some gelati goodness~ and he got a mango calpis from the asian grocery after. stopped at the state library to chill for a bit. i love how quiet the library is at night. it looked peacefuly beautiful rather than eerie. i could stay there for hours and fell asleep on the grass or between the big pilars untill we realised that we’re surrounded with super high trained rats. don’t be fooled by their cuteness! anyhoo… we headed back home for a dvd session, complete with toasts for midnight snack and a blankie and my lovely couch to snuggle on <3<3

it’s his turn to have a craving for thick shakes the next morning, and so we went. went to minotaur (gizmo is love) and officeworks to get some boxes before heading to the victory game. it was only matt, paul, dave and i went (and the other crowds) where are the others? all hat screaming and chanting makes my throat sore.. and i kindda lost my voice at the moment :/
anyway, we lost and i was bummed.. so i went to kazu’s place straight after.

we left at about 7.30ish for a friend’s farewell get together thing at north melbourne as she’s leaving this tuesday.
it sorta hits me when aishah said “one by one people are leaving.” people that i’ve known and cherished for the past three years… and i might never see them again :’( last year, iris and i sorta talked about how we’re gonna feel on the graduation day in terms of parting with friends and all. i said i would get all emotional and prolly cry… and i don’t see my answer’s going to change…

got back home with a sore throat and feeling kind of lonely and shit.. me sad where my mum called *yay* me happy we talked about this and that. they’re surprisingly cool with me going out with a bule {read : whitey} so i was able to tell them a bit more. and all this time i thought they would fired me as their daughter or mince me and feed me to the dog :/ lol XD

few hours after mum, feeling bit less lonely, leroy called ^^ then he stopped by for a bit while. even just for smokes, i’m glad he came and accompanied me coz aside from not going to see some people ever again, the house is getting dead-ish aswell and it’s depressing..

but but.. this tuesday i’m going to great ocean with the guys for our last road trip thing together ^^
woot woot!

and now i’m sleepy XD
goodnight yous~

maika-saleh.livejournal.com

ok so i’m posting here coz livejournal is being fucking reterded since last night.
i’m so drained working on the bloody folio. shit, in less than 24 hours, my life as a uni student is “hopefully” over!!!
it’s FUCKING over!! damn.. if i’m not too tired i would jump up and down like mad right now.
folio is due monday on 9.30 in the morning so yeah.. basically done with my folio coz i really can’t give a fuck anymore. i need to go back to my normal life and sleep like normal people do, eat like normal people do, have SOCIAL LIFE like normal people do.. coz for these past 3-4 weeks my life only revolved around uni and nothing else.
for these past 3-4 weeks i’ve been practically living in uni.
for these past 3-4 weeks, uni has been my second home to me and to other students aswell.
alot of dramas has happend, alot of laughters, anger, deprivation, and mental behaviours. emotions are flying around in this uni.

have pics, but can’t really upload flicrk or anything else at uni.
so yeah.. it sucks horse balls
smeh…

new update post at

maika-saleh.livejournal.com